The Mercury- Wallabies are hopping into Tasmania’s (Australia) opium poppy fields and getting high. In true X-Files style, Attorney-General Lara Giddings said yesterday the drugged-up wallabies had been found hopping around in circles squashing the poppies, creating the formations.

DERRICK RESPONDS

Four feet high, pointy ears, big feet, and a hole on their stomachs to hold their spawn. Aliens? No, wallaby drug addicts. In what is surely the the biggest drug syndicate to ever have broken in Australia’s forgotten state of Tasmania (population 500,000), a gang of rogue wallabies, obviously from a poor socio-economic upbringing have been caught wasted in a field making crop circles.

There has been a long history of drug addicted marsupials in Tasmania, a dark underbelly that has been censored from the media around the world. Fifty or so years ago, the news got out of a tasmanian devil that was high on ecstacy, yelling gibberish and spinning around, and since then, there has been a media blackout. Nowadays, the only way that these stories emerge are from deviant wombats twittering deep from the safety of their burrows.

But this is hardly a new concern in Tasmania, with marsupials from all walks of life falling prey to drug addiction. Koala’s getting high sniffing eucalyptus leaves, echidna’s filling their needles with heroin and platypus’s found swimming backwards with their bills covered in cocaine. Often the twittering informants are too baked to write a legible tweet- “waLlaby’s passd out iN th oh-pee-um FIElds agian…rofl”. No wonder wombats walk so slow.